Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
