i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
