I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He did a backflip because drugs
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