I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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