Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
