every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize