I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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