i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
