I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
