After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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