why didn't you poke me back
This is not my ceiling
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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