the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
