i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
