I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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