I am spending my child support on dildos
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
