Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My vagina just recognized that song.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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