jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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