need another drink. this is the easiest way
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Randomize
