I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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