Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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