Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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