Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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