Ketchup is God's man juice
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
