She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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