**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
