you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
