I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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