im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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