On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
