I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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