I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
