the condom got lost in my hair
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
