hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
