I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
