I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
