I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
