Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
