Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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