that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
