So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
