Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
