I cockslap morals
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
