Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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