i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize