he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
