you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
