just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Barsexuality is the new black.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Dick very happy bro
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
