Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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