Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize