I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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