i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize