I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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