Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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