remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
