My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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