he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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