he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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