you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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