i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize