Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
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