Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Someone came in the potted fern
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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