Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
