Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
