Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
