I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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