nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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