in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
