Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Holy sore nipples Batman
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
