just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
